How I Get Random Strangers to Do Something Kind for Me
You don’t even need to speak to them or make eye contact
Human beings are funny animals. Take, for example, my 10 minute stroll to the coffee shop.
It’s along quiet streets. It’s likely there will be someone walking the other way, and we’ll say: “good morning!” … if we make eye contact.
The Eye Contact Test
I’m always ready to make eye contact, but I have to do a quick assessment if that’s likely to be reciprocated.
Alas, my judgment is occasionally off, and just after I’ve pretended not to notice that they’ve determined not to say a pleasantry to me, they surprise me with a generous “GOOD MORNING!”
Scoreboard:
Stranger: 1
Anthony: 0
I mumble a belated “morning” to them (we tend to take shortcuts in Australia, and the “good” is implied.)
Life is so much easier once I hit the shopping area. There are many more people there, and there’s no expectation that I would address a random stranger with a “good morning” … even if that was the same person who had greeted me three minutes ago on the quiet street.
The No-Eye Contact Test
Now, perhaps you’re someone who dreads talking to strangers … or even to friends. That’s totally fine. I can live with that. We’ll cross each other on the street and not make eye contact. No harm done. I wish you well.
But my greet-them-if-they-make-eye-contact principle made me wonder if it would be possible to get random strangers to speak to me even without eye contact.
And because I like a challenge, what if I could get this to happen:
- in a crowded street
- or in a crowded train
- AND without me taking any direct action to get their attention
Even better, what if I could get them not only to give me a cursory “good morning”, but to skip the pleasantries and actually offer me some free, kind advice … something that would be easy for me to act upon, and would make them feel good as well.
Here’s How I Get Random People To Help Me Without Me Asking
The secret is devastatingly simple.
I carry my mobile phone in my pocket. It has a flashlight on it. If you leave that flashlight turned on, random strangers will notice and let you know.
Bonus tip: although I’ve got it showing here from my shirt pocket, that will just annoy people, which is no way to turn strangers into lifelong friends.
So I have the mobile phone in my trouser pocket. Of course you need to have your mobile pointing with the light shining out. This only works with certain thicknesses of pockets, too, so you need to keep that in mind when you’re dressing for your adventure to destroy that “Stranger: Danger!” feeling.
Preparation:
- know how to turn on the flashlight on your phone
- master looking utterly surprised when someone interrupts you with the warning about your light being on
- know how to turn the flashlight off while thanking the random stranger
And if you think this is a sneaky way to get to meet people and maybe strike up a conversation, remember, it’s only for a few seconds. No skin off their nose.
Still not convinced of the flashlight technique for breaking the silence? Think of it this way: this is much less pressure than a job interview or a networking event.
Benefits of The Flashlight Technique
- It’s low pressure for you and for them.
- It makes them feel they’ve done a good turn.
- It goes beyond a cursory “good morning” to a stranger (which only works on quiet streets anyway, I find).
Warnings about the Flashlight Technique
If you do this every day, or even several times a day, make sure you don’t do it in front of the same people each time. Catching a different train or metro each day will almost guarantee you won’t inspire the same stranger to say: “your phone’s light is on”.
